I believe two of the most important and powerful words for you this year will be “yes” and “and.”

What do I mean by that?

As we begin to rebuild or recreate what work, community, and relationships mean to us in a post-pandemic world, we will need to use the words “yes” a lot more. And, we’ll need to use “and” more.

“Yes” is positive and supportive. “And” brings ideas, themes and people together.

Let’s first take a look at “yes.”

Yes is a very old word. It entered English before 900 and comes from the Old English word “gese” loosely meaning “be it.” What a powerful statement already! When you say yes, you’re saying “be it.”

However, many of us have probably been on the receiving end of hearing “no” all too often. I’m finding “no” is on the rise lately; are you? “No” comes from fear. Fear of change, fear of pain, fear of the unknown and even sometimes from not being the one with the idea (ego). No is deflating, discouraging and disenfranchising.

“No, let’s not raise the budget, or invest in anything - we don’t know what will happen with the pandemic tomorrow.”

“No, let’s not make vacation plans because there is a likelihood we will need to cancel.”

“No, let’s not create a 2025 vision for our organization; let’s just hunker down, survive and make it to next year (we’ve been saying this one for three years now).”

In his book “Mindsight,” Dr. Daniel J. Siegel tells the story of a couple who came into his office for marriage counseling. Here is one of the first exercises he has them practice:

“I told them I would repeat a word several times and ask them to just notice what it felt like in their bodies. The first word was ‘no,’ said firmly and slightly harsh seven times, within two seconds between each no. Then, after another pause, I said a clear but somewhat more gentle ‘yes’ seven times.”

It was amazing to see what just those two words did to the couple with both reporting feeling “stifled, pissed, shut-down, tight, scolded” from the repetition of “no.” From the word “yes” repeated, they reported feeling “calm, peaceful.” How is it that just one, little word can mean the difference from feeling bad to feeling good? When you hear the word yes, what do you feel? What someone tells you no, how does that make you feel?

“Yes” is such a powerful tool for us leaders. It can empower, attract, stretch and open doors and we don’t use it enough.

Direct Application - This week try out these “YES” exercises:

For one week, in the morning while looking in the mirror say “yes” gently to yourself seven times. Record how you feel on a pad of paper or on your phone. Check at the end of the week how your overall mood, feeling and optimism have been.
Take a piece of paper, put the word YES in the middle and circle it. Around that circle, over the rest of the page, write all the things you’re going to say yes to this year. Afterwards, what were any themes you saw emerge? Any similarities? Any outliers?
In your business portfolio, on a pad of paper, put a cross on the paper. On the left side of the cross write “YES” and on the right side write “NO.” Take the day or week and put a tally next to every time you hear or say “yes” vs. hearing or saying “no.” What did you hear or say more of at the end of the week?

Likewise, “and” is also powerful. I wrote a couple weeks ago about the power of “and” statements. I talked about the power of linking and connecting ideas together: this helps people show your ability to ‘advance the thinking’ and give credit where credit is due. Use ‘and’ statements, not ‘or’ statements. Think in a 1+1>2 capacity. “I think Brad’s and John’s ideas are both terrific and, if put together, could be the approach we’re looking for.”

Oftentimes in business meetings or where a group of people meet to solve a problem (committee, boards, departments), we hear “or” more often than “and.” When I’m working with a group we usually get to a point in the meeting where the “buts” “however” “another thing to consider” stifles the first “yes” sentence or idea that was shared. I will often coach the group to “advance the thinking” by saying only “and” statements after an idea is shared.

The word “and” is also strategic. As Eric J. McNulty writes, “it is an invitation to mutually solve a problem. The shift of one word acknowledges each person’s interests as legitimate and recognizes that there are issues to be resolved. It creates an environment for positive dialogue.”

Direct Application - This week review the following for “and” statements or the lack of “and” statements:

You mission statement
Your vision statement
Your emails
Your website
Your dialogue with colleagues
Your dialogue with your family

So as we look at building bridges to a brave new - enter workplace, community, relationships here - using the words “yes” and “and” will provide the opportunity and optimism we are all starving for right now. Lead with “yes.” Lead with “and.”